Why Consistency Is Important in Sleep Training (Even When You Want to Quit by Day 2)
This post is about why consistency is important in sleep training your child. All opinions are my own.If you’ve ever tried sleep training and felt like throwing in the towel after the first rough night, you’re not alone. As a mom of four, I can tell you—consistency is the hardest part, but also the most important part. (And yes, I’ve done the “maybe I’ll rock them back to sleep” routine… spoiler: it never worked in my favor).
I remember sleep struggles with my second child. I call her Nugget. I tried mixing things up because I thought maybe she just needed something different each night. One night I rocked, the next I sang, the next I sat by her crib.
She was 6 months old, confused, and up frequently all night. I was exhausted and felt like I was drunk all day, and not in the fun kind of way.
She didn’t learn to sleep; she learned to cry harder to see what I’d do this time.
And then it just came to me like an epiphany one day: Why wasn't I using my professional experience and education as a teacher, trained in child development, to conquer this battle? Why was my mommy brain taking over what I knew to be proven true?
I leaned into what I did as a classroom teacher of kindergarteners for 12 years. I got consistent. And Nugget slept. Lesson learned: consistency wins.
Side note: my oldest, Kissy, was 17 months old when Nugget was born, so I was deep into motherhood and completely exhausted. Kissy also didn't sleep.
Why did it take me so long to figure it out? I'm still wondering that.
Mommy brain is real and makes us forget how intelligent we were before we had kids. But I'm going to tell you what I know for sure. You can trust me on this. I had 4 kids in under 5 years. And once I figured it out, they were all great sleepers (really).
So, let’s dive into why consistency is vital in sleep training, how it helps your baby (and you!), and what happens when you don’t stay consistent.
Babies and Toddlers Learn Through Repetition
Think about it—when your child is learning to walk, you don’t let her give up after one attempt, right? When she stands and falls, you don't say, "Oh, I guess you just won't be a walker!" That would be ridiculous!
You encourage her and build her confidence (about 500 times) until it finally sticks. And voila! You have a walker!
Repetition is key when you're teaching any new skill. The same is true for sleep training.
When you respond the same way each night, your child learns: Oh, bedtime means bath, story, snuggles, lights out, then sleep. Babies and toddlers thrive on predictable patterns—it helps them make sense of their little world.
And here's a little pro tip: Did you know that babies as young as three months can begin to identify the components of a routine? That's true, so if you think consistency with young babies is a waste of time, think again!
I know this to be true as a former kindergarten teacher and daycare owner. Repetition and predictability are beneficial.
Consistency Builds Trust and Security
Another reason why consistency is important in sleep training is that it helps your child feel safe. When bedtime looks and feels the same, your little one knows exactly what to expect. That predictability makes it easier for them to relax. And trust what comes next.
They're looking to you to be their constant source of what to do next. It's calming and reassuring.
It’s like us knowing our favorite coffee shop order will be the same every morning—it’s comforting. Kids feel the same way about routines.
Mixed Messages = More Tears (From Everyone)
Imagine ordering your favorite latte and sometimes getting hot chocolate, sometimes decaf, and sometimes just… black coffee. I'd be confused (and cranky, especially if they gave me decaf). That’s how kids feel when bedtime looks different every night.
If one night you rock them to sleep, the next you let them cry, and the next you bring them into your bed… they have no idea what the “rule” is. Mixed messages are one of the biggest reasons sleep training doesn’t stick.
Trust me, I’ve been there. With Nugget, I caved one night after swearing I’d stick to the plan. Guess what? She learned that crying long enough got her a trip into Mommy’s bed. Smart kid. Sleep training, reset.
Consistency Actually Speeds Things Up
Here’s the good news: the more consistent you are, the faster your child will adjust. Yes, the first few nights can be tough (for everyone), but staying consistent helps your baby figure it out much more quickly.
When I was training Nugget, we had a solid bedtime routine and stuck to it like glue. By night four, she was sleeping better. Compare that to the months I dragged it out with her and Kissy when I wasn’t consistent… let’s say I learned my lesson the hard way.
Consistency Helps YOU Stay Calm
Another overlooked part of why consistency is important in sleep training is the benefit it gives parents. Having a clear plan for bedtime and night wakings means less second-guessing in the moment.
Instead of lying in bed wondering, Should I go in? Should I rock her? Should I try feeding?—You already know what you’re going to do. That confidence makes it easier to stay calm, which your child absolutely picks up on.
Emotions are contagious. When you show up confident, your child feels that, and the chaos subsides. The calm takes over and your child knows what to expect.
The Bottom Line
Consistency is the magic ingredient in sleep training. It’s what helps your baby learn the skill of self-soothing, keeps them feeling safe, prevents confusion, and shortens the whole process. And honestly, it saves your sanity too.
As a mom of four, I’ve tested the “inconsistent route” (aka survival mode) and the “consistent route.” One definitely got us all more sleep faster—and I’ll give you a hint: it wasn’t survival mode.
So, if you’re in the thick of sleep training, hang in there. Stick with your plan. Remember why consistency is important in sleep training—because your baby can do this, and so can you.
If you're doing your best and still struggling, consider how having support and a plan tailored just for you would enhance your success. If you're wondering if 1:1 coaching is right for you, book a free call today. I can help. Consistency is my superpower.
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